If you know me very well, you know that I am a pretty positive person. I tend to look past people's flaws and try to see the good in everyone. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and often times allow people to take me for granted. I love whole heartedly and would do anything for someone I care about. I'm not really sure if this is a good quality to have or a bad one, but I have been told many times that it's an admirable one. What I do know, is that a lot of times it has caused me to get hurt.
Recently, on more than one occasion and in more than one situation, I have found myself wondering..."When is enough, enough?". I wrote in a previous post that I have learned "sometimes you have to just walk away". But what I'm struggling with is this: at what point do you walk away from a friendship or a relationship?
We all have people in our lives that let us down. Like I said before, most of the time it has nothing to do with us. But what about those selfish people in our lives- the ones that never seem to think about your feelings. How about the friends that only have negative things to say about everyone and everything. The friends that only want you around during a breakup, the guy/girl that only hangs out when it's convenient, the people who get mad because you don't want to go "party" every Friday & Saturday night, or the people who always make plans or say things and never follow through. How many times do you let someone do things like this to you until you just don't care to try anymore?
We've heard the sayings, "When someone shows you who they really are, believe them." or "Screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on me.".
As one of my resolutions this year, I vowed to not let people walk all over me & to stand up for myself. I have done a pretty good job so far.
I guess I would like to hear what you think. When do you think enough is enough?
Friday, July 11, 2014
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Lost and Found
"I lost myself more than once and had to find myself again. Each time better than the person I had lost previously."
After writing my last post, those two sentences kept replaying in my head. Maybe it's because I just recently found myself again. Maybe it's because I'm afraid of losing myself again. Or maybe it's because I see it happen to people around me all of the time.
Forgetting WHO you are is not a fun feeling. It can happen for a lot of reasons...failed relationships, working relationships, stress at work, the overwhelming sensation of life, death of a loved one, etc.
I have lost myself more than once & for more than one reason. I will share with you a few of the most memorable ones for me. (I underlined the things that I learned about life and myself. These lessons are why I think I came back from it as a better person.)
The first time it happened was during my very first (serious) relationship. I think this is probably a common thing among young love. I was in 11th grade and I actually had a lot going for myself. I was active in my school, made good grades, wanted to attend college, had lots of friends, etc. It wasn't long before I had isolated myself from a lot of things that were once very important to me. Slowly I wasn't invited to go places or do things, I started losing friends, the list goes on. I'm not sure why or how, but one day I just realized I wasn't happy. I needed to make some changes. I couldn't put my relationship above myself or the other people that I cared so much about.
That brings me to the second time I lost myself. I was 20 years old and had just started doing hair. I had found a balance in life and I was finally starting to be happy again. If you know me very well, you know this story. This is when I think I lost myself the most. But on the bright side, I think it's also what helped me to figure out who I really was the most. Chris and I had been dating for four years. We had began planning our future and getting excited about what would happen next in our lives. One night all of that changed. Chris was killed by a drunk driver in the most bizarre way imaginable. My life, my hopes, my dreams, my future, and my heart crumbled around me. I was numb. I was devastated. I was broken. I was lost. Who was I now? What was I supposed to do? What about the plans we had made? What made ME happy? I had to realize that life went on. I had to learn that my plans weren't God's plans. I had to become happy on my own and find a new life path. Which eventually I did, but I made a lot of mistakes along the way.
Some years later, I found myself in Orlando. I was in a relationship that didn't make me happy. I settled because he treated me like a princess and I wanted to be there for him during a difficult time. I was also working as a teacher at probably the most disorganized & unhealthy school imaginable. I was more stressed out than I had ever been and had more on my plate than I could handle. This is the third time I lost myself. It was a combination of my relationship and my job. I realized that something had to give. I knew that even though he treated me so well and he loved me so much, that I wasn't happy. Something wasn't there. I had wanted a relationship so badly and wanted to please someone else so much that I had settled for something and someone that I wasn't. I decided to end the relationship. This helped me to become a happier person in general, which led to me being able to deal with the stresses of my job. I vowed to myself to never settle for anyone or anything again. It may hurt their feelings, but in the long run everyone will be happier.
The most recent time I lost myself sounds a lot like the other times. I guess I'm just hard-headded! Or maybe God just wanted to really instill those lessons in me so that I wouldn't have to go through them again. I had fallen head over heels in love for the first time in years. As time passed and long distance played its tole on the relationship. I started to do whatever I could to make sure things worked out. I did things I wouldn't normally do, acted in ways I wouldn't normally act, & thought in ways that I wouldn't normally think. I quit doing things that I loved so that I could do things to please him instead. I walked on eggshells so that I wouldn't make him angry. I chose him over me, his friends over mine, and his family over my family. As I'm sure you can imagine, it became an extremely unhealthy relationship. My feelings would get easily hurt and I would lash out at him. Eventually the relationship ended. But because we both "loved each other so much" and were unable to let go, we strung it out longer than it should have gone. Through it all, I got caught up in what I thought I had to be and forgot who I was once again. I had to completely walk away and cut all ties, even though I didn't want to. Once again I was lost, heartbroken, and couldn't remember what actually made ME happy. It took me a while, but I'm finally back on my feet and happy.
Through these experiences I have learned the importance of being myself & making sure I have time for things that are important to me. I can't let my life revolve around a relationship or become something /someone that I'm not. It's important to be happy in our relationships, jobs, and lives, but we can't let those things define us. Friends, family, & our own happiness are also very important. We have to find a balance. Remember that even when times are tough, even when you can't remember who you are, you can always look for the positive. Try to find the lesson and try to actually learn from it.
If you made it this far through my post, I hope that maybe I helped you in some way! Thank you for reading and don't forget to laugh today! :)
~ Heather
After writing my last post, those two sentences kept replaying in my head. Maybe it's because I just recently found myself again. Maybe it's because I'm afraid of losing myself again. Or maybe it's because I see it happen to people around me all of the time.
Forgetting WHO you are is not a fun feeling. It can happen for a lot of reasons...failed relationships, working relationships, stress at work, the overwhelming sensation of life, death of a loved one, etc.
I have lost myself more than once & for more than one reason. I will share with you a few of the most memorable ones for me. (I underlined the things that I learned about life and myself. These lessons are why I think I came back from it as a better person.)
The first time it happened was during my very first (serious) relationship. I think this is probably a common thing among young love. I was in 11th grade and I actually had a lot going for myself. I was active in my school, made good grades, wanted to attend college, had lots of friends, etc. It wasn't long before I had isolated myself from a lot of things that were once very important to me. Slowly I wasn't invited to go places or do things, I started losing friends, the list goes on. I'm not sure why or how, but one day I just realized I wasn't happy. I needed to make some changes. I couldn't put my relationship above myself or the other people that I cared so much about.
That brings me to the second time I lost myself. I was 20 years old and had just started doing hair. I had found a balance in life and I was finally starting to be happy again. If you know me very well, you know this story. This is when I think I lost myself the most. But on the bright side, I think it's also what helped me to figure out who I really was the most. Chris and I had been dating for four years. We had began planning our future and getting excited about what would happen next in our lives. One night all of that changed. Chris was killed by a drunk driver in the most bizarre way imaginable. My life, my hopes, my dreams, my future, and my heart crumbled around me. I was numb. I was devastated. I was broken. I was lost. Who was I now? What was I supposed to do? What about the plans we had made? What made ME happy? I had to realize that life went on. I had to learn that my plans weren't God's plans. I had to become happy on my own and find a new life path. Which eventually I did, but I made a lot of mistakes along the way.
Some years later, I found myself in Orlando. I was in a relationship that didn't make me happy. I settled because he treated me like a princess and I wanted to be there for him during a difficult time. I was also working as a teacher at probably the most disorganized & unhealthy school imaginable. I was more stressed out than I had ever been and had more on my plate than I could handle. This is the third time I lost myself. It was a combination of my relationship and my job. I realized that something had to give. I knew that even though he treated me so well and he loved me so much, that I wasn't happy. Something wasn't there. I had wanted a relationship so badly and wanted to please someone else so much that I had settled for something and someone that I wasn't. I decided to end the relationship. This helped me to become a happier person in general, which led to me being able to deal with the stresses of my job. I vowed to myself to never settle for anyone or anything again. It may hurt their feelings, but in the long run everyone will be happier.
The most recent time I lost myself sounds a lot like the other times. I guess I'm just hard-headded! Or maybe God just wanted to really instill those lessons in me so that I wouldn't have to go through them again. I had fallen head over heels in love for the first time in years. As time passed and long distance played its tole on the relationship. I started to do whatever I could to make sure things worked out. I did things I wouldn't normally do, acted in ways I wouldn't normally act, & thought in ways that I wouldn't normally think. I quit doing things that I loved so that I could do things to please him instead. I walked on eggshells so that I wouldn't make him angry. I chose him over me, his friends over mine, and his family over my family. As I'm sure you can imagine, it became an extremely unhealthy relationship. My feelings would get easily hurt and I would lash out at him. Eventually the relationship ended. But because we both "loved each other so much" and were unable to let go, we strung it out longer than it should have gone. Through it all, I got caught up in what I thought I had to be and forgot who I was once again. I had to completely walk away and cut all ties, even though I didn't want to. Once again I was lost, heartbroken, and couldn't remember what actually made ME happy. It took me a while, but I'm finally back on my feet and happy.
Through these experiences I have learned the importance of being myself & making sure I have time for things that are important to me. I can't let my life revolve around a relationship or become something /someone that I'm not. It's important to be happy in our relationships, jobs, and lives, but we can't let those things define us. Friends, family, & our own happiness are also very important. We have to find a balance. Remember that even when times are tough, even when you can't remember who you are, you can always look for the positive. Try to find the lesson and try to actually learn from it.
If you made it this far through my post, I hope that maybe I helped you in some way! Thank you for reading and don't forget to laugh today! :)
~ Heather
Saturday, June 21, 2014
Catching Up
Wow! Here we are....5 years later! About time for another post haha
As the school year has ended and my life has slowed down a bit, I've had time to reflect on a lot of things. Now that I realize I haven't written since 2009, I look back over the last 5 years of my life and see how much I have grown and changed. Since my last post and a rough breakup; I moved back home to Pensacola from San Diego, away to Orlando, and back again. During that time, I have had two serious boyfriends and one of the most difficult heartbreaks since Chris died. I graduated college! (First person in my family!) And I have finally found a career that I love at a school that I adore. I have to say I have struggled, cried, looked to God, fought, screamed, acted a little crazy, made mistakes, broken hearts, talked people's ear off, and prayed my way to the person I am today. I lost myself more than once and had to find myself again. Each time, better than the person I lost previously. My mom always told me that you change every five years...looking over the last 28-29 years- I couldn't agree more.
Over the last five years I have learned:
- patience
- self confidence
- the importance of family & friends
- hard work can get you anywhere you want to be
- trust God and His plans--even when it makes no sense at the time
- sometimes you have to let go and walk away
- you should never settle for anyone or anything; even if it means hurting someone's feelings (they will thank you later)
- honesty is very rare and it's a key component in every type of relationship- always strive to be honest
- you will never please EVERYONE, you don't live for them anyways...you live for God
- you WILL fail, but pick yourself back up and learn from your mistakes. Try again you will be surprised how differently things could turn out.
- laugh! even when you want to cry...
- take chances...a lot of times they are worth it
- people will lie to you; hurt you; cheat on you; use you; but it usually has nothing to do with you and everything to do with themselves
- always try be the bigger person: there aren't that many people who are willing to do that anymore
- Pray...you will be amazed at where it can get you
- find something that you love to do and make time to do it...life can be stressful and its important that we make time for ourselves
I could keep going, but who would want to read it? haha I'm proud of who I have become and the lessons I have learned from my hardships. I know all of them have made me a better person.
Don't forget to laugh today! :)
~ Heather
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Broken
I know that by watching me over the last year you would never know that I love God, or maybe even know him. I am ashamed of that. He has done so much for me...so much that I don't deserve. None of us deserve what he does for us, but lately especially me. I have let myself go down all of the wrong paths and make decisions that I knew better than to make. God is dealing with me. I asked for it, I won't lie. But I find it so hard to listen. It's amazing to me how He can take things and help you to learn and grow from them. It's amazing to me how he can break you. I want to be who God wants me to be, I want to make Him proud. I am sorry to all of the people that I have let down and I thank all of the people who have helped me want to live my life right. You may not even know who you are, but just realize that even when you don't realize it people are watching you. You are always a witness...everyday. I want you to know that I am still going to make mistakes, I know that. Please be understanding and just help hold me accountable...I may not like it, but I need it.
Love ya'll
-Heather
Love ya'll
-Heather
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Realizations...
Life isn't always a picnic, nor are relationships. Over the last few weeks I have really learned a lot. Moving out here I have gone against what I have been taught and something that I have always believed. Honestly though, I am glad I did it. I don't regret it and I wouldn't change it. I am seeing my flaws...by myself, which I think is the best way. It rarely helps for someone else to point them out. It's kind of like going on a self exploration, only I am also learning about someone else too...and life. Its hard when two people go from living on their own to intertwining their lives. It makes you realize just how independent you actually were and how stubborn and selfish you can be. Not only am I seeing my flaws, but qualities I didn't realize I had. Living with someone else you see the best and worst of each other...it really makes you stop and think sometimes.
I am not saying that everyone should move across the country to live with their boyfriend for a while, or that what I am doing is right. I am just saying that sometimes coming out of your comfort zone and expanding your boundaries can be educational. You will be surprised how much you can learn...spiritually, about yourself, about others, and about life. Maybe for you it could be something as simple as learning a new language or trying a new church or taking a job that moves you away from your family. Who knows....
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Friendships...
So moving to a new place and not really knowing anyone has got me thinking a lot lately. I have been thinking a lot about myself and the people in my life. This may come out as a lot of jumbled thoughts or maybe I will pick one topic for now and write on something else later...I don't really know.
One thing that I have really thought a lot about lately are my friends. I have been thinking about the people that have come and gone in and out of my life and the people who have made an impact on me. It is crazy how one person can change you. They can make you see things in a different light. Looking back, there have been many people who helped to mold me into who I am today and help guide me into figuring out who I am. I have lost and gained many friends, made good memories as well as bad ones, and learned the lessons of life.
Lately though, I have been reevaluating my relationships. Moving away has made me realize the people who care about me the most. I have began to realize that the people I thought were there, really weren't. I can remember a conversation I had with a friend a while back about how people are your friend until it is inconvenient for them. She was talking about how when she got pregnant her large group of friends suddenly turned into just a few. It's funny how things change over time and people grow apart. It's actually really hard to deal with at times. One will argue that it's the others fault and vise versa, but the truth is that it's neither; that is just the way life works. You can't blame each other. Decide if that person really matters to you; do you want them in your life still? Then you have to try and be patient and understanding and realize that you can't expect anything out of anyone. If you do, you will just be let down. All you can do is love and try to be the best friend that you can be. (That can be hard, I know.)
All this to say, thank you to the people who have been there, the ones who have impacted me, the ones who have changed me. I'm sorry I haven't always been the best friend at times, I'm trying to work on that=)
Love you,
Heather
One thing that I have really thought a lot about lately are my friends. I have been thinking about the people that have come and gone in and out of my life and the people who have made an impact on me. It is crazy how one person can change you. They can make you see things in a different light. Looking back, there have been many people who helped to mold me into who I am today and help guide me into figuring out who I am. I have lost and gained many friends, made good memories as well as bad ones, and learned the lessons of life.
Lately though, I have been reevaluating my relationships. Moving away has made me realize the people who care about me the most. I have began to realize that the people I thought were there, really weren't. I can remember a conversation I had with a friend a while back about how people are your friend until it is inconvenient for them. She was talking about how when she got pregnant her large group of friends suddenly turned into just a few. It's funny how things change over time and people grow apart. It's actually really hard to deal with at times. One will argue that it's the others fault and vise versa, but the truth is that it's neither; that is just the way life works. You can't blame each other. Decide if that person really matters to you; do you want them in your life still? Then you have to try and be patient and understanding and realize that you can't expect anything out of anyone. If you do, you will just be let down. All you can do is love and try to be the best friend that you can be. (That can be hard, I know.)
All this to say, thank you to the people who have been there, the ones who have impacted me, the ones who have changed me. I'm sorry I haven't always been the best friend at times, I'm trying to work on that=)
Love you,
Heather
Monday, August 17, 2009
Airplane thoughts...
So today I was flying home from San Diego and what better things did I have to do than think? It started off kind of like reminiscing. I was thinking about the weekend and how much fun I had, how over the last couple of months mine and Paul's relationship has completely exploded! (in a good way) Things just seemed more comfortable and real...it was like I could feel the love. I'm not sure how much sense that makes, but it makes sense in my head! I was thinking about how I have changed and how relationships work; how love works. Which of course brought my mind to God.
I am reading the book The Shack right now. If you haven't heard of it it's a spiritual book about how a man finds God after his daughter was abducted and murdered. This book has began to open my eyes to a lot of things. One of them being relationships. In the book God explains to Mack that relationships are about two people working together. One person isn't more important than the other and no one is in charge. That is where we go wrong. We are all about control. We always have to have a person in charge and we always have to have rules. It got me to thinking about my relationship now and ones of the past. This one is obviously different, but how? Things aren't perfect by any means and we are guilty of the same things. But do you think that if we change these things our relationships will really improve? I really agree with the whole rules thing. Rules set expectations...they WILL be broken, we are human after all. I am the world's worst at rules. I have a tendency to make them up as I go...it isn't fair to my boyfriend or my friends, whomever it effects. Who are we to place limits on those we love? God doesn't place limits on us. He let's us make our own decisions. He may offer us advice, but he doesn't force anything upon us. I want to be more like God.
Which brings me to my relationship with God. I have been really thinking a lot lately about him and this book has come into my hands at the perfect time. Coincidence? Who knows! I have been having a hard time with this whole religion thing. You know...what is right and what is wrong. I have been struggling with believing that there is one way that we are all supposed to live. We are all so different. Why would God want us to do all of the same things? That is so boring. What if God doesn't have any rules? What if he just wants us to love him and trust him and let him in so that we CAN REALLY know him? I think we focus too much on what we have been told is right and wrong. I think that we judge each other too much. (I am completely guilty of that.) I just find it so hard to believe that people can actually live the life that we are taught to live when we are young. I don't think it's real. There are too many rules. I think that if we just trust Him and love Him and start a relationship with Him (like a friendship) then the rest will just happen. We will still make mistakes. We will still choose not to listen at times, but there are no rules on how to love God. There are no rules on how to praise Him or what your relationship should be like. We all have this idea that has been forced into our minds and when we don't meet those expectations we feel guilty. We feel as though we have failed. We shouldn't do some of the things we do because someone else told us that it was how it should be; because then our heart isn't in it and it means nothing. Let God be your guide. Feel the love :)
I am reading the book The Shack right now. If you haven't heard of it it's a spiritual book about how a man finds God after his daughter was abducted and murdered. This book has began to open my eyes to a lot of things. One of them being relationships. In the book God explains to Mack that relationships are about two people working together. One person isn't more important than the other and no one is in charge. That is where we go wrong. We are all about control. We always have to have a person in charge and we always have to have rules. It got me to thinking about my relationship now and ones of the past. This one is obviously different, but how? Things aren't perfect by any means and we are guilty of the same things. But do you think that if we change these things our relationships will really improve? I really agree with the whole rules thing. Rules set expectations...they WILL be broken, we are human after all. I am the world's worst at rules. I have a tendency to make them up as I go...it isn't fair to my boyfriend or my friends, whomever it effects. Who are we to place limits on those we love? God doesn't place limits on us. He let's us make our own decisions. He may offer us advice, but he doesn't force anything upon us. I want to be more like God.
Which brings me to my relationship with God. I have been really thinking a lot lately about him and this book has come into my hands at the perfect time. Coincidence? Who knows! I have been having a hard time with this whole religion thing. You know...what is right and what is wrong. I have been struggling with believing that there is one way that we are all supposed to live. We are all so different. Why would God want us to do all of the same things? That is so boring. What if God doesn't have any rules? What if he just wants us to love him and trust him and let him in so that we CAN REALLY know him? I think we focus too much on what we have been told is right and wrong. I think that we judge each other too much. (I am completely guilty of that.) I just find it so hard to believe that people can actually live the life that we are taught to live when we are young. I don't think it's real. There are too many rules. I think that if we just trust Him and love Him and start a relationship with Him (like a friendship) then the rest will just happen. We will still make mistakes. We will still choose not to listen at times, but there are no rules on how to love God. There are no rules on how to praise Him or what your relationship should be like. We all have this idea that has been forced into our minds and when we don't meet those expectations we feel guilty. We feel as though we have failed. We shouldn't do some of the things we do because someone else told us that it was how it should be; because then our heart isn't in it and it means nothing. Let God be your guide. Feel the love :)
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