The Give and Take

"There will always be a reason why you meet people. Either you need them to change your life or you're the one that will change theirs." 

"In life, you will realize there is a role for everyone that you meet. Some will test you, some will use you, some will love you, and some will teach you."

"Not everything is supposed to become something beautiful and long-lasting. Sometimes people come into your life to show you what is right and what is wrong, to show you who you can be, to teach you to love yourself, to make you feel better for a little while, or to just be someone to walk with at night and spill your life to. Not everyone is going to stay forever, and we will have to keep on going and thank them for what they've given us."

Something happens when you hit 30, for me at least.  Or maybe it's just all of the things I've been through lately. Either way, I've found myself evaluating people as they enter my life a little more than I have in the past. I've found myself reevaluating friendships and relationships that I've had for years. I've found myself reminiscing on the past, both good and bad, and applying the lessons I learned to new situations I am faced with. I've found myself listening a little longer, trying a little harder, and giving up a little sooner. Not giving up because it's the easy way out, because I think I'm better, or because I don't care; but because at some point I realized, not everything or everyone is worth fighting for. At some point I learned  who I am, where I stand, and what I am willing to tolerate or compromise with. I learned my self-worth and to try my best to weigh situations in a fair and healthy manner. I learned that sometimes it's okay to walk away from people, situations, friendships, and relationships. It doesn't make me weak. It doesn't make me a quitter. It doesn't even make me a failure. Actually, in many ways, it makes me the opposite. 

I'm beginning to realize that it isn't always about wether or not the relationship was able to withstand the test of time and trials. But, maybe, it's more about what you were able to give during that relationship- sometimes more than you realized. Or even the things you can take away from the relationship: lessons, memories, strengths, ways to improve yourself, etc. 

I've come to realize that people are going to come into my life and cause me to feel several different ways. People will disappoint me, hurt me, love me, test me, teach me, use me, comfort me, deceive me, lift me up, tear me down, and even push me to places I didn't know existed- both good and bad. Sometimes these relationships and friendships will strengthen, sometimes we will make it out okay, and sometimes they will come to an end. I may never know the real "reason" someone came into my life. And I may never know the real "reason" they left. But I have come to terms with the fact that, maybe I'm not supposed to look for reasons. Maybe I'm not supposed to "know" the reasons. Maybe, instead, I am supposed to look for the good that has come from each situation I have dealt with or found myself in. And maybe, I'm supposed to do that same thing when these relationships or friendships begin. 

Instead of dwelling on the "whys", the pain, the anger, the disappointment, the "what ifs", or the confusion; I want to focus on the lessons that can come from each and every one of these situations. I want to dwell in the happy memories shared, or to be made, with these individuals. I want to focus on the positives- the ways we can help each other grow, strengthen each other, and lift each other up. I want to look at the people in my life, see them for who they are, and love them regardless.  I choose to believe that every person in my life has helped me in some way, shape, or form; and I have done the same for them. It may be years before either of us realize it, but that's okay. That's the beauty of it all. 

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying we should all go through life wearing "rose colored glasses". I've been down that road, and trust me it isn't one I would recommend or would want to take again. My point is that there is a balance in life, friendships, relationships, etc. That balance is different for everyone. You give and you take. You live and you learn. We have to decide what it is that we are looking for in life. What are our goals? Who are we looking for in friendships and relationships? How much are we willing to put into these relationships? Are we going to let our pasts interfere with our futures? If so, in a positive way? Or in a negative way? These are questions I have been asking myself lately. After all, so much of our life depends on our perspective. Something to think about...