When Tragedy Strikes

I woke up Sunday morning to the news of a mass shooting in Orlando, Florida. A city that, only 3 years ago, I called home. My first thoughts were a blur of confusion. Then, the worry set in. Please God, let my friends be okay. (I am thankful that Facebook has the "marked safe" feature.)

As I watched the news and read reports, tears streamed down my face. Not because I knew anyone involved, but because that city changed me for the better. Because that city holds a special place in my heart. Because one person's hate ended over 50 innocent lives and destroyed the hearts of all of their loved ones. Because I know what it feels like to unexpectedly lose someone you love. Because I have felt the suspense of not knowing if a loved one survived something so tragic. Because every single day I am amazed by the amount of HATE we have, not only in our world, but in our country. Because I was overwhelmed by the love and support of strangers who wanted to help. Because I was overwhelmed by by the selfless acts of kindness that came from such a hate filled tragedy. Because maybe, even with all of the hate, we have hope left for humanity.

I am not usually one to voice my opinion on controversial matters, but for some reason, this whole situation really cuts me deep.  You might not like what I have to say, it may even seem hypocritical, and in no way is this post meant to offend anyone. I just want to give people something to think about. Here goes....

I know this is America and we all have the right to voice our opinion, but now is not the time. There is such a thing as tact. There is such thing as empathy. Let's not make this about something other than what it is. Let's not take away the importance of the lives that were lost and the grieving process of their friends and families.

You don't believe in homosexuality? Great!
You blame it on gun control? Great!
You say it has nothing to do with gun control? Great!
You blame Obama? Great!
You think Trump or Hillary will change things like this for the better? Great!
You think the presidential nominees will change it for the worse? You guessed it....Great!
Is ISIS to blame? Who knows!?
Have any other negative, controversial opinions? Those are all great too!
KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!

My point is that it has only been TWO days! Can we at least wait a week or so before we start the ranting and controversial opinions? Can we allow time for reality to set in and at least some mourning to take place?

What we need right now is more love and support for each other, not more hate and more controversy. Our opinions about the laws and the difference between right and wrong are not going to change the world. At least not for the better. Our love and kindness will. Please keep that in mind the next time you want to voice your opinion. Is it going to make the world a better place? Or is it just going to create more negativity?

If you know me, you know i'm a quote person. Here are some verses I found that I feel relate to this post. Don't believe in the Bible? That's okay. I found some quotes from history that also relate.

"Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses." Proverbs 10:12

"Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8

"You must let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but only what is beneficial for the building up of the one in need, that it may give grace to those who hear." Ephesians 4:29

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness. Only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that." -Dr. MLK Jr.

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them." Mother Teresa

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." Gandhi

"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." Mother Teresa

"No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin or his background or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite." - Nelson Mandela

The Give and Take

"There will always be a reason why you meet people. Either you need them to change your life or you're the one that will change theirs." 

"In life, you will realize there is a role for everyone that you meet. Some will test you, some will use you, some will love you, and some will teach you."

"Not everything is supposed to become something beautiful and long-lasting. Sometimes people come into your life to show you what is right and what is wrong, to show you who you can be, to teach you to love yourself, to make you feel better for a little while, or to just be someone to walk with at night and spill your life to. Not everyone is going to stay forever, and we will have to keep on going and thank them for what they've given us."

Something happens when you hit 30, for me at least.  Or maybe it's just all of the things I've been through lately. Either way, I've found myself evaluating people as they enter my life a little more than I have in the past. I've found myself reevaluating friendships and relationships that I've had for years. I've found myself reminiscing on the past, both good and bad, and applying the lessons I learned to new situations I am faced with. I've found myself listening a little longer, trying a little harder, and giving up a little sooner. Not giving up because it's the easy way out, because I think I'm better, or because I don't care; but because at some point I realized, not everything or everyone is worth fighting for. At some point I learned  who I am, where I stand, and what I am willing to tolerate or compromise with. I learned my self-worth and to try my best to weigh situations in a fair and healthy manner. I learned that sometimes it's okay to walk away from people, situations, friendships, and relationships. It doesn't make me weak. It doesn't make me a quitter. It doesn't even make me a failure. Actually, in many ways, it makes me the opposite. 

I'm beginning to realize that it isn't always about wether or not the relationship was able to withstand the test of time and trials. But, maybe, it's more about what you were able to give during that relationship- sometimes more than you realized. Or even the things you can take away from the relationship: lessons, memories, strengths, ways to improve yourself, etc. 

I've come to realize that people are going to come into my life and cause me to feel several different ways. People will disappoint me, hurt me, love me, test me, teach me, use me, comfort me, deceive me, lift me up, tear me down, and even push me to places I didn't know existed- both good and bad. Sometimes these relationships and friendships will strengthen, sometimes we will make it out okay, and sometimes they will come to an end. I may never know the real "reason" someone came into my life. And I may never know the real "reason" they left. But I have come to terms with the fact that, maybe I'm not supposed to look for reasons. Maybe I'm not supposed to "know" the reasons. Maybe, instead, I am supposed to look for the good that has come from each situation I have dealt with or found myself in. And maybe, I'm supposed to do that same thing when these relationships or friendships begin. 

Instead of dwelling on the "whys", the pain, the anger, the disappointment, the "what ifs", or the confusion; I want to focus on the lessons that can come from each and every one of these situations. I want to dwell in the happy memories shared, or to be made, with these individuals. I want to focus on the positives- the ways we can help each other grow, strengthen each other, and lift each other up. I want to look at the people in my life, see them for who they are, and love them regardless.  I choose to believe that every person in my life has helped me in some way, shape, or form; and I have done the same for them. It may be years before either of us realize it, but that's okay. That's the beauty of it all. 

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying we should all go through life wearing "rose colored glasses". I've been down that road, and trust me it isn't one I would recommend or would want to take again. My point is that there is a balance in life, friendships, relationships, etc. That balance is different for everyone. You give and you take. You live and you learn. We have to decide what it is that we are looking for in life. What are our goals? Who are we looking for in friendships and relationships? How much are we willing to put into these relationships? Are we going to let our pasts interfere with our futures? If so, in a positive way? Or in a negative way? These are questions I have been asking myself lately. After all, so much of our life depends on our perspective. Something to think about...