For some reason, I find myself sitting here thinking about all of the people that have come in and out of my life over the past 30 years. Thinking of how they entered, how they exited, and how they remain a part of the life I live. I'm thinking of all of the times we have been there for each other, all of the times we have let each other down, all of the times we were faced with situations that were difficult, and the times that we thought nothing would come in between us. I wonder why certain things happened and how we end up in certain situations. All of it comes down to one word. Decisions.
What drives us to make the decisions that we do? Every single aspect of our life comes down to a decision that we or someone else has made. Think about it. One single decision could change your life. One decision could change the life of someone else. Everything we do has an impact on others, even when we don't realize it. Because, somehow, we are all connected. It's beautiful, ironic, scary, majestic, and somewhat unfair all at the same time.
Looking back, I wonder why in the world people have made some of the decisions that they did. How could they not see what it would do to themselves? To others? I wonder the exact same thing about myself and some of my decisions.
I'm starting to realize that it all boils down to the fact that we are selfish. All of us. Maybe we don't want to be, or mean to be, but we are human. We don't want to be the vulnerable one. We don't want to be the one to get "one upped". We don't want to be wrong. We don't want to be the one who fails. We don't want to be the one to love the most. We don't want to be the "stupid" or "naive" one. We don't want to be the one to give up or the one to be stubborn. We care way too much about ourselves and what everyone thinks of us, and not enough about each other.
Or maybe I'm wrong. About some of us, or even all of us. Maybe the problem isn't selfishness and the problem is fear. Fear of being the vulnerable one. Fear of being wrong. Fear of being "one upped" or the one to love the most. Fear of giving up too easily or not giving up soon enough. Fear of being hurt or making the wrong choice.
I guess ultimately it doesn't matter how we got to where we are, or why we make the decisions that we do. I guess what matters is that we make the most of each and every situation and that we learn from the mistakes and the difficult times. I guess what matters is that we try our best to not let selfishness or fear guide our lives, but that we turn to God and let him be the decision maker. Maybe, if we thought more along those lines, and had faith that He has a plan and a reason for everything, we would be much better off.
Food for thought from the random mind of me....
